Sitting In Yin

I've always experienced what my friend Michele likes to call, "themes".
Themes come in many forms and should be of the self-improvement variety.
One of my currently-recurring themes is solitude.
In the not so distant past, I was terrified to be alone with myself and my thoughts.
I would abuse the then-current theme of distraction, in order to avoid....well, ME.

Some time, and some growing pains have changed my mind on how I feel about myself.
I can now honestly say I know what it means to, "Turn Inward", to find "true self".

I've had a few conversations over the last few years, with people I have found to be very happy in silence.
It's second nature to them. They can sit in quiet, and entertain themselves with all sorts of wonders of the world...seemingly, in their head. They are quite good at it, and I had envied their ability to be so happy in their worlds of blissful selves.

I don't know exactly when the shift occurred, but I can only imagine that it began with that curiosity I had.
I'd ask questions of what they do, when they are alone, what they think about, and I would ask if they get lonely, (and then subsequently panic, as I'd do when I was alone in my silence).
Again, they all had relatively the same answers, and they all shared an air of confidence and eluded to some secret that I was not privy to.

Well, as I think on it now, the shift in my homeostatic paradigm, began with me actually taking care of myself.
I've left a job that only stressed me out, and made me ill.
I began to practice yoga again.
I'm having coffee and lunches with friends.
I've cut WAY back on drinking.
I'm selecting better foods to eat.
I've started reading again.
I'm listening to more music.
I am running my own business now, and love every minute of it.
I have more time to spend with my kids, the love of my life, and my friends.
I'm getting better sleep.
I write more.
I express more.
I have confidence in my voice now.
I laugh more.
I smile more....

And....I'm quiet.

As I sit here, there's no music playing.
I have no urgent thing to do, (right this moment.)
I can bask in this glorious space of silence.
And then share it with you.

There are so many wonderful things to learn, when you make time to just BE.
You know what's happened?

I've finally fallen in love with ME.

Hallelujah! It's about time.



{photo credit: Me. Almost a year ago. Taken while watching my children play, laugh, and scream in the snow...building a snowman (and giving him a mo-hawk), and sledding down steep snowy hills in Flagstaff.}