Tune Up

So yesterday I received what my dear friend April refers to as a "Tune Up". I was overdue by a very long shot.

Allow me to explain.

Immediately after graduating from massage school, I dove straight into working. I was hungry for experience, and even hungrier for income. A majority of my focus over the last year has been on work, work, and more work. I've come a long way for sure, but I've been neglecting something, or I should say someONE a little too much. I've been neglecting ME. More precisely, I've neglected my spirit. Now, that's not to say I've neglected my soul. I've certainly been in tune with what I need to do, and how to spend time with my family and with my Brian. But I haven't been doing things often enough to edify my spiritual side.

While going through the massage program, I was learning about Eastern bodywork and philosophies. I had been giving and receiving this type of bodywork on a regular basis, but then stopped after I graduated.

Well, it has caught up with me. In a big way.

I had been feeling that disconnect for quite a while. An imbalance. And it all came to a head over the last few days. A series of small events occurred, and I could no longer ignore that the universe, and my spirit were telling me something.

Enter, April.

April is very dear to me. We were Comrades in Massage school, and now we are both Teaching Assistants there...but more than that, we are friends. Yesterday I met with April, and she asked me what was going on. I attempted to tell her how I was feeling, but couldn't quite succeed without the tears falling. I told her how I just felt imbalanced. I could just FEEL all the bottled up "junk" I had inside me.

After talking for a bit, she and I settled on a session of Acupressure*, with a Chakra alignment**

.....a "Tune-Up".

Bingo! Perfect.

Before we began, April asked me to select crystals from her collection, so that she could include them in the session. Interestingly enough, I had selected the same type of crystals I used to carry around with me when I was younger.

Tiger's eye.

Amethyst.

Green Aventurine.

Smoky Quartz.

Malachite.

"We are old friends", I told April. Funny how we naturally regress when in need of comfort.

I relaxed into the massage table, closed my eyes, taking several deep breaths.

April proceeded to gently surround me with the crystals I'd selected.

What happened over the next hour was.....emotional, to say the least.

I felt my body melt.

I never once opened my eyes.

I knew I was in a safe place to battle out my little demons I'd been carrying and I struggled with my body to release them. They were those self-depleting thoughts and feelings. You know the ones. They can be a cancer....locking in, then spreading, and eventually seeping in to all you do.

Well, I came head to head with each of them.

I cried them out.

And with each gradual purge, I welcomed cleansing breath.

As the session came to a close, I felt RELIEF.

April and I exchanged our experience with the session, and there's no way to really go into that kind of depth...but it was beneficial for us both.

Later, I went home and slept. Ah, blissful sleep. When I woke, I felt lighter. I felt balanced.

I rummaged through some of my old things, and found that little pouch I used to wear in High School. I used it to carry my crystals or stones in it, as little reminders of the types of energy I needed for the day. I grabbed my amethyst, popped it in, and around my neck it went. At bedtime, I placed it under my pillow....and slept like a baby.

Today, I've been reflecting on that session, and I probably will for a while. One thing I know for sure is, I will not allow myself to go that long without acknowledging my spirit, and feeding it what it needs.

*http://www.acupressure.com/

**http://www.healinggateways.com/ChakraBalancing.shtml

Me.... L.M.T.

Yes. I'm here. I know it's been awhile...but I have good reason!

I returned from Australia in August, and dove straight into work. I started my new position at Arizona School of Massage Therapy (ASMT) as a "T.A." (Teaching Assistant to you lay-folk), and I love it. It's not the dream job in terms of income, but it's a dream to be teaching others a craft I fell in love with. It's been almost two years since I first step foot in that building, searching for a new career. It was symbolic of the fresh start I was looking for after my divorce. I had divorced not just my husband, but also a previous career that was inevitably toxic for me.

A few months of turmoil had been passing by, and I woke up one day, literally inspired to research the field of Massage. It had been something I was interested in for years. I had an old friend who attended the same school, but in Utah. After finishing the program, She came home to Arizona and moved in with my roommates and I for a month or so, until she could find a place of her own. During this short time, she shared with me what she had learned in the program. Free massages notwithstanding, I was fascinated. The variety of knowledge learned was astounding to me, just to be a MASSAGE THERAPIST??? Practical techniques, Eastern and Western philosophies, Anatomy and Physiology, Professional Development and Business practices, Thai-Chi, and many more subjects. I was especially interested in the fact that this friend of mine had so many options available to her. She could work in world-class spas, cruise lines, wellness/healthcare clinics, work with sports teams, or more interesting to me, own her own private practice. I was impressed by her motivation, and somewhat envious of the interesting things she had learned.

I did not however, decide that was my path at that time. I had already begun my journey to attain my Bachelors degree in Art History, and I was very determined to get that....so I continued on.

Anyhow, that was over 15 years ago, my introduction to Massage Therapy. Now, I am almost a full year into my Massage Career, and it's been a great ride. I feel empowered. I love the ability to market my skills as a Therapist however I please. I've been working part-time at The Healing Joint, working with an awesome Chiropractor, and high caliber Massage Therapists. I've learned many things, and have enjoyed a career that is fulfilling, helps others, and has a minimal stress level at best...(very important to me.) AND, as mentioned above, I began working at ASMT last August. It's an honor to me, to have been selected to assist in educating many others who walk into that building for the same or similar reasons I did. SEEKERS OF CHANGE and growth. I don't know where my career with ASMT will take me, but I do know for a certainty I am headed in the right direction.

As I write this, I happened to open my desk drawer for a pen, and caught a glimpse of a letter. This letter, I will always keep. In many ways it means more to me than my ASMT Massage Certificate.

Our class had been asked by our Professional Development instructor (The wonderful Mr. John Sanders---a plug to the man!) to write letters to ourselves, to be returned to us at the end of the program. I want to share it here....

9.23.09

Dear Amy,

CONGRATULATIONS! You made it. YAAAY!

It's been a long seven months, and an even longer year and a half. You've made some tough choices---some good, and some bad. Now, you are exactly where you want to be. How exciting is it, that now you have a purpose and a direction?!

Going to massage school is one of the best choices you've made. You followed your heart and intuition. You made INCREDIBLE friends---some who will forever remain in your life, and others who will drift off onto their own path.

You persevered, you pushed through. There were moments that were tough, times you thought you'd failed---but you learned how to calm yourself and tell yourself to step back and look at the bigger picture.

You reached out to others, and made yourself available to help where needed. You stepped out of your comfort zone---and went after a job you weren't even yet qualified for.

You came to know and understand yourself better...and as a result have a greater respect for yourself.

You helped yourself heal and learned how to forgive yourself.

You've become a better mother, friend, lover, and business owner...BECAUSE you've learned to respect yourself.

AMY---you CAN do it. You CAN succeed. You KNOW how to push through. You WILL go forward. You will be successful AND you will live your life with JOY.

Love yourself.

Be kind to yourself.

BE YOU.

Love,

Me. L.M.T.

:)

ps. You ROCK!

Always have.

Always will.

What I Love....

The Way he understands me.

He gets it. He's been the only one who has, from that January day.

He has patience....especially now.

He has acceptance. No judgement.

He believes in me.

and if he is conflicted...he wants to believe...so he tries. And succeeds.

It means the world to me...so I push harder.

He motivates me.

He inspires me, in ways I never knew.

I want to be more.

I want to be more, with him.

I love our family...combined.

I love his voice.

His laughter is like a gift.

It brings joy, to everyone we know.

I have pride, in what he has accomplished.

I have pride, in his dreams....and in our dreams together.

I have the deepest appreciation for his personal and professional endeavors.

I have found boundless joy, in his love for our children.

I love his smile.

His way of expression.

The way his voice resonates through my body.

The way he makes me think.

We may not always agree, but we have respect for each other.

He exposes his fragile side...of which I will always hold close.

And..from the second first date....he will always be mine, and I will always be his.

I cannot help, but look forward to the future, and all that is in store for us, and our little family.

Faith?

My co-pilot...and no, I'm sorry to disappoint, but it is NOT Jesus.

Please do not take offense.

Hear me out.

Let's get real....(BTW: "F" Dr. Phil for coining that phrase).

We are here on earth. Period.

We are experiencing life TOGETHER, as fellow human beings.

We may or may not have an idea of who created us, or what our purpose is...and FAITH...well, there's nothing wrong with faith. I have faith.

I also have a realistic understanding that we truly DO NOT know what lies beyond.

We may have all the faith, understanding, belief, or experiences we feel show us the truth.

However, having not died an earthly death before (at least to my knowledge----and for me, the jury's still out on reincarnation.), I cannot, and will not testify that I KNOW where I am going when this mortal body of mine ceases to exist.

Yes, it IS scary. No, I'm not completely OK with it. Yes, I struggle with my understanding of the universe, and what happens beyond this life....

However...I really do feel thats OK. Even healthy to question our existence.

I feel it's more real, than just "believing" we go to a certain place, at a certain time assigned just for us, with people who we've been destined to spend eternity. (Sidenote: the subject of SOUL MATES is a blog entry of it's own...I'll get to that, soon.)

I would rather go with my gut instinct...and venture to guess that YES, we are here for a purpose. Otherwise...why would such a question be in the forefront of a majority of the human race???

......

OK, so I'm not happy with my conclusion either. But it's a start. It's open for discussion. I certainly don't have all the answers, and I'm positive that not a single one of my fellow earth-mates really does either. I feel that some come closer to truths than others...but we all have OH, SO MUCH more to learn. And I have very little tolerance anymore for those who will not open up, just a little bit, and understand there are many view points, and valuable lessons to learn outside of the scope of the individual environment.

For me....I have surrendered to one thing for sure. I KNOW and have FAITH that I will be on a never ending journey of discovery and knowledge....most likely until my last breath. It may ebb and flow, but that is life...and I'm grateful for it.

Order to Disorder

There are many layers to order.

Take painting, for example.

I begin with priming a canvas.

Texture needs to be taken into account. I admit that I have fear from the very start. I want to lay my primer, "just so."

Now, I have a tendency to "lay it on...THICK". It's the Van Gogh in me.

I like texture. I can see it, feel it...I like that texture is tangible.

But, I also know that texture lays a certain foundation.....that is, until I apply a brush.

Then it (the painting) takes on a life of it's own.

Suddenly, my fear goes for it's own ride.

I may surmise that if I lay it on too thick, or too thin for that matter, that the paint will react only a certain way.

Not true.

What I have to remember, is that paint will always win.

Paints are much like water. Organic. Free flowing, with much movement, flexibility, and LIFE.

I need to learn that I should abandon fear, and allow for my soul to engage with the medium of paint.

I need to allow for the layers to build.

I need to allow for mistakes...knowing that (specifically oil paints) are forgiving...they want to be poked, prodded, challenged...into their "home".

What I really need to know and understand...is to allow for mistakes. Or rather, follow the flow.

Let it flow.

It will come.

Ultimately, The journey IS the destination.

(Image: My current painting in progress....SO much more to come.)

LOVE...

Courtesy of Ms. Holiday... You go to my head You go to my head, And you linger like a haunting refrain And I find you spinning round in my brain Like the bubbles in a glass of champagne. You go to my head Like a sip of sparkling burgundy brew And I find the very mention of you Like the kicker in a julep or two. The thrill of the thought That you might give a thought To my plea casts a spell over me Still I say to myself: get a hold of yourself Can't you see that it can never be? You go to my head With smile that makes my temperature rise Like a summer with a thousand Julys You intoxicate my soul with your eyes Tho I'm certain that this heart of mine Hasn't a ghost of a chance in this crazy romance, You go to my head. LOVE YOU, JB! xoxoxoxoxoxo

Cordial Cross-Roads

So..."LUSH" (Luscious Jackson--my Mountain Bike) and I ventured out for a ride this morning.

I was half asleep...I think I still had crusties in the corners of my eyes...morning breath?--for sure.

Sexy..I know.

But...I pedal on. Had to push through.

Push through the sluggish desire to remain in the comfort of my squishy bed.

Push through the dreary soundtrack in my head.

Push through the thought of inhaling several clouds of gnats hovering above the breathtaking bundles of spring flowers.

Oblivious to my surroundings...other than the never-ending alertness to automobiles, or motorized vehicle of any kind. I pause to cross the road at my normal juncture....and I am somewhat startled by a group of 6 or 7 men on road-bikes. I guess I'm startled, because I'm the only rider in these here parts, (other than JB, of course...and he's neighborhood King.)

Anyhow...my point is this.

I observed their tight formation.

Their speed.

Their age...and yes...probable station in life.

Couldn't help it.

I noticed how...other than their friendly "HELLO"..."MORNIN'"...

Other than the two-wheels they rode on.....EVERYTHING was different from me.

And....

I liked it.

I was different.

I had my own look.

A Different bike.

My own speed.

My own path.

They may have had a "head start"

A..."warm-up", if you will....

But my path???

where I am at???

Is EXACTLY where I need to be.