Mama-Bear

It's tough being a parent. It's even tougher as a divorced parent. You cannot always be around every day, for every moment. Every trial, scrape, bump, bruise to the ego, giggle, hug, and good night kiss.
Every smile, hug, and whisper.
A divorced parent cannot be there for all of these.
It's tough.
And it hurts.

I have lain awake at night, thinking about all the worst case scenarios. What if their (dad/stepmom) house gets broken into, and I am not there to curl up with my kids when they are scared?
Yes, I've even imagined the zombie apocalypse (or some other freakish or even natural disaster) and I am not right there, just feet from their bedrooms for mama-bear to kick in and heroically defend their sweet little bodies.
Hell, I can't even write this without choking up.
*A few tears, rolling down my cheeks.*

I want to be there for them always.
The emotional mom in me, wants to be that helicopter parent.
The one, hovering, making sure everything is OK at any given moment.
But, I cannot.

I cannot always be there.
This is where we are.

I cherish every moment I do have with them, and I know they are in good hands when they are not.
Sure, there are struggles in each household....but that would be true anywhere, and with any combination of parents in the home.

As a MOM, the mother I want to be, the mother I AM,
I will teach. I will love. And I will laugh with my children.
I can actually DO this, without having to be there for every moment.
I've BEEN doing this.

The thing for me to remember is, telling "Emo-Mom", that "Super-Mom" is only words away from her babies.

So, my dear children. Even if I cannot physically BE there by your side at every moment,
I am a phone call away.
I am a recollection in your mind of what MOM would say, or what MOM would do.

As I recently told my daughter, who had been struggling with something, and very upset that I could not be RIGHT there....
"Jade. Mama is telling you to BREATHE. Take a deep breath, splash your face with some water, and go lay down. You are bigger than this. I love you. And, Jade?  ("Yes, mom?") I am giving you a brain-hug right now."
Jade giggled, and I knew I had touched her, even from afar.

My struggles as a parent are far from over.
It's really only just begun.
I now have a teenage daughter, and she is going to need me a lot.
I am ready.

Mama-Bear needs to lace up her combat boots, and buckle up the tool belt, because there's a few battles up ahead, and I will lead and teach my children as best I can....
even from here, when they are there.

image: http://www.peachridgeglass.com/